For almost a decade, I was afraid whether I was a good writer. I burdened myself with strange thoughts, such as not getting plenty of by lines meant I did not have anything to say or well enough. I believed it with absolute conviction, making myself feel terribly ashamed.
Today, I feel different. I strongly feel the urge to translate some of my ideas and when they arrive, my chair literally grabs me to the desk.
Well, sometimes it does.
Most times I am doing everything else but writing.
And, if I did not do everything else, including read, pay attention, listen, write for others and for myself, edit, reread, edit again, and the usual stuff in life, I would not be writing anything credible. I am so proud in this moment of how I feel about my writing.
I know I am worth it.
I know I offer value.
There is a take away.
There is honesty and feeling in my writing that nobody can take away.
You probably want to know how the self-doubt transformed into a feeling of pride?
Anybody who says they used to doubt themselves and donít any more, donít have my full confidence. They may move me but I canít relate with a feeling that is absolute.
That I felt good about my work in a particular moment doesnít mean self-doubt vanished.
I realize I must do what I can : read, drink, dine, yoga, listen, talk, share, complain. The most important thing I forget to remind myself is that I should not take myself so seriously. If you are a published author, you know that self-doubt stays.
Thatís how terribly hard writing is. Even after doing the work, it doesnít just leave.